i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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