Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
