Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
