He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
