dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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