where am i from again
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
