no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
