I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
