i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
