TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
