using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
