Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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