I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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