No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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