Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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