at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
