So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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