I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
