I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
