MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
