I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
