I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
