Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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