You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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