i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
