no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize