Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
