there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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