i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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