the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
