I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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