Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
