K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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