First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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