Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
