Are we in a gay sports bar?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
