ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
