Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
