i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
