Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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