the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
