yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
