if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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