you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
