Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
