Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
