your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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