Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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