Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
