I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
