just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
