Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
