I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I will pee on everything he values.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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