1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
