I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
