Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
